||[Aug. 18th, 2009|03:44 am]
::.x Ka † e x .::
|||||I know your fucking someone else-Type O Negative||]|
This month has been nothing but a dramatic and fucked up hell for me. I was so excited for this month and for my 21st birthday but it seems that drama just seems to find me no matter what. I feel that people who say they care about are really just full of shit sometimes.People just want to benefit themselves when it comes down it it and they will trample and step right over you even when you tell them that they can hurt you and they disregard that. I should have never loved him, I should have ended it the day he told me it was over and never looked back and tried to have been "Friends" with ex's there is no chance of that. I should have never tried to. I wish I could let all these feelings go like I did,but instead I was being lead on somehow. In the end guys just want to have sex with everything and anyone,Lust does conquer all I guess.I hope one day he realizes I loved him and that no one will love him or care or give a shit about him the way I do. I have walked over hot coals and did all I could to help. It was me who was there when you went through all your shit,the good times,the horrible times and I didn't desert you for anything I was always there to support you and your music. I was a shoulder to cry on in the worst times.In the end you gave me nothing,when I was alone and hurting and needed help at times you were hardly there or a friend. I was jealous I will admit and I tried to fight that as hard as I could. It is so hard to stop loving someone completely. I wonder if you even loved me at all sometimes because you could give me up so easily and just ignore me as well and then shove my mistakes and faults all down my throat,sorry I could never be as cold and unfeeling and as perfect as you are. What is the funny part is you will realize one way or the other that you will miss me and you will come back like you always do. For now I will leave you alone and maybe I won't even think of you,all the memories the good times mean shit,I wonder if you even think of them at all? I wish I had you back the you who always smiled and joked and was there when I was sick and went places with me and said I missed you and meant it. I am just hoping I can be strong and patient and that this month can somehow be saved and that things happen for a reason. Believe me karma is a bitch and what goes around will come back around again.Thats all for now I just needed to let it all out.